Nothing too much bothered me after I got adjusted to my routine with NICU. My schedule of afternoon feedings, bonding and dropping off milk and my pop ups at night to bathe her feed her and talk to her had become my norm.
In my family we have the baby shower after the baby is born as a precaution to make sure the baby arrives and you are not stuck with presents and reminders of what you may have lost. Knowing Skylar would not being in attendance for the shower pictures were taken so she could be there in spirit and people could “see” her.




On the day of the shower I had a lot of running around to do to get prepared for the shower. I had to get my hair done, get my shoes and get my afternoon visit in. I had stopped by in the morning to visit and told the nurses I was having my shower today and I would miss a few feedings. They said “don’t worry about it mommy, she’s good, go enjoy your shower and take a break”. I said ok but had a feeling something would go wrong if they knew I wouldn’t be visiting the rest of the day. So I ran my errands and packed my outfit for the shower and decided to not go straight to the shower and to stop by the NICU. Good thing I went with my gut. I went to Skylar’s bed and saw Similac bottles in her station and one was missing from the pack. I immediately began to get angry and asked which nurse was responsible for Skylar today? She came over and I asked if she gave her Similac? She said yes. I asked why when I bring her milk every day. There should be a stash of milk in the refrigerator and the freezer. She said you ran out. That was a bold face lie! Now let’s say her lie was true, I’m there everyday several times a day. Why wouldn’t someone say “mommy you’re running low on milk”? Because it wasn’t true! The heffa didn’t want to defrost any of the milk. I called her out and asked to speak to a supervisor. I expressed my frustration and asked that the freezer be checked for her milk. Just as I knew, there was milk in the freezer. Now had I not visited the NICU before going to my shower Skylar would have been given an eight-pack of Similac against my consent. This episode changed my mood for the day and I had to be around friends and family for my shower. I tried to enjoy the shower but in the back of my mind I kept thinking about the betrayal at the hospital and after shower was over I helped clean and headed home so I could make my night visit to NICU. I made sure to do late night visits to see if the same was being done over night.
To be continued…